


Snowflakes of Procrastination

by hewhomustnotbejames



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety Meds, Comotose Character, Hospitalization, M/M, Multi, No Character Death - Don't Worry, Noah/Henry - Established, Not A Break Up/Make Up Fic, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-11-09 08:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11100324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hewhomustnotbejames/pseuds/hewhomustnotbejames
Summary: This is completely AU. Noah's in the hospital and Adam flies back home for the first time in seven years to see him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title has nothing to do with the story. I chose it because while I was writing it, my best friend told me I was procrastinating like Winston from New Girl, making snowflakes, when he should have been studying. In my case, I should have been working on my final project. Alas.

Adam leaned his head against the cool, plastic siding of the plane’s interior. He was trying to pretend to sleep. The abrupt movement from the turbulence kept him distinctly on edge. Usually, he popped a Klonopin or two before taking a long flight, but with this particular trip being so unexpected as it was, he hadn’t had a chance to refill his prescription in time. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe slowly, practicing the meditation-like exercise that he’d learned from his third to last therapist. 

It had been so long since he’d been on a cross-country flight, and just the thought of it gave his stomach a lurch of anxiety. Or, maybe the anxiety was more to do with his destination, rather than the flight itself. He had been trying to keep that thought out of his mind all day. Adam was great at pretending. He was just taking a flight to Orlando to meet up with his friends, he told himself. He was going to Brooklyn to visit Blue for his week-long vacation. He was going anywhere, doing anything besides flying back to the one town on this planet that he’d sworn to never step foot in again. 

Seven years. It had been seven years since he left Henrietta, and he never thought he’d be back. He’d actively avoided it; his few remaining friends from his youth opted to visit him in California rather than lose touch, though he had visited Blue at least once every other year since she’d moved to New York. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about his friends, he just had too many bad memories associated with that town, and he and Henrietta hadn’t exactly parted on the best of terms. 

Adam changed positions, propping his elbow up on the armrest and leaning down so his cheek was resting in his palm. He felt panic bubbling in his stomach but he tried to ignore it. The weird thing was, when he got the call from Gansey, he hadn't even hesitated. He’d ended work early, booked the first flight out and left immediately. It wasn’t until he was waiting to be boarded that he’d actively started panicking.  

He had a reason for going back, and it was quite possibly the only situation that could have convinced him to return. 

Noah. 

___

When he’d finally been able to leave the plane, he headed straight to the bathroom to pee, texting Blue as he went. 

_Adam: Bathroom. Then meet at baggage claim?_

_Blue: !!!! SEE YOU SOON!!!_

When Adam found his way to the baggage claim, it wasn’t hard to spot Blue. Not only was the Henrietta airport a small one, but it was also 1:15am. Furthermore, Blue had a tendency to send him selfies at least once a week, so he knew she had recently changed her hair to a dark jade green color, making her stand out even more. She was wearing pajama shorts and a black zip-up hoodie, with fluffy slippers on her feet, and her back was turned toward Adam. He made his way over, moving his carry-on onto his other shoulder as he snuck up behind her and then enveloped her entire short frame into a crushing hug. Blue squealed and turned around in his arms, clutching onto him tightly.  

“ADAM!” She yelled at him. 

“BLUE!” He yelled back. 

“I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!” 

“I MISSED YOU MORE!” 

The few other people convening in the airport looked over at them disapprovingly, but Adam didn’t care. Blue was his best friend and he hadn’t hugged her in six months. She pulled away and took a step back, grabbing his hands with her own. 

“How’s Noah,” Adam asked, remembering the purpose of his visit. Blue took a deep breath and squeezed his left hand. 

“Not great. He’s out of the ICU but the doctors say he could still be in danger, because he hasn’t woken up yet.” Blue brought Adam in again and leaned her head against his chest as he let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her.  


“It was so scary, Adam,” she said, voice quiet.

“I wish I could have been here earlier,” he replied. 

After one last moment in each other’s arms, Adam finally disentangled himself from Blue and headed over to the baggage that was now coming around the carousel. When he spotted his suitcase, he grabbed it and then took hold of Blue’s hand so they could walk out of the airport together. 

The two of them kept silent as they moved through the parking lot, until Adam saw the car Blue was leading him to. 

“Wow.”

“I know.” 

“This really takes me back. Calla never got a new car in the ten years I’ve known you?” 

“Actually, it’s Orla’s now. It’s the only car they’d let me borrow,” Blue said as she rolled her eyes. 

Adam smirked. “Well, you are a notoriously bad driver.” She smacked him on the arm and glared at him.    


“Hey, I would be better but no one drives in Brooklyn. I haven’t had time to practice!” 

“Blue, you’re twenty-five.” 

“Half of my friends in New York have never even learned to drive. It’s totally normal.” 

Adam laughed. "It's normal to not learn how to drive, but it's another thing entirely to learn how, yet fail so spectacularly at it."

“Shut up!”

Adam climbed into Orla’s car which was significantly dented, most of which Blue had contributed to when she’d been sixteen and learning how _not_ to drive. He cranked the manual window handle as soon as he got into the car, wanting to keep the air fresh around him.

Blue started down the street slowly and Adam chucked.  

“So have you been seeing anyone over in the Sunshine State?” Blue asked. 

“Isn’t that Florida?”

“Whatever.” 

He scratched his head, moving his hair out of his eyes haphazardly. “No, not really.” 

“Not really, huh? So have you just been hooking up?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.

He sighed. It had taken less than ten minutes for her to bring up his love life. “Not really. I’ve been…” he paused, “dating.”

“Ooh,” Blue said, her head flipping to the side to look at him.  

“Keep your eyes on the road, Jesus.” 

She turned her head back to the front. “Dating, huh? Like tinder?” 

“No, you know how I hate those apps. Just, people ask me out sometimes—don’t laugh! And I guess the last few months I’ve been saying yes more often than not.”

“Anyone make it past the first date?” Blue asked.

Adam took a deep breath. He hated talking about this shit. “No,” was all he said. 

“Shame,” she said. “You’re just too good for the human species. Someday an alien is going to come down here and sweep you off your feet.”  


“Can’t wait,” he said, laughing. “So,” Adam said, switching gears. “Does the mysterious person you’ve been seeing over there also not know how to drive?” 

Blue’s demeanor changed instantly and she traded out her facial expression for a fake neutral one. “Who?”

Adam exaggeratedly rolled his eyes at her. “Cut the shit, Blue,” he said.

“We’re here for Noah,” she said seriously. 

“You literally just grilled me about my love life ten seconds ago.” 

“Fine. No, actually the mysterious person I may or may not be seeing loves cars. Ugh.”

Adam laughed so hard he almost choked. “Right. Ew, gross, people who like cars,” he deadpanned. 

“Anyway,” Blue said, desperately trying to change the subject. “I just dropped off Gansey before picking you up, he hasn’t slept since the accident. I’m going to drop you off and head home to sleep for a few hours myself, if that’s okay?”   


“Of course.” 

“I think Henry is the only one there right now, so you’ll finally get to meet him.” Her voice lowered and Adam could hear how scared she was just by her tone. “Wish it would have happened under better circumstances.”

“Yeah,” Adam said. Then, “He’ll be alright, Blue. He’s strong.” 

She took a shaky breath as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. “I know.” 

 “So how is he allowed so many visitors at this time?” Adam asked as she parked. 

“Gansey’s parents contribute a big chunk of change to the hospital every year so I guess they let him have unlimited visitors with special privilege.”

Adam got out of the car and came around to the drivers side. Blue opened her own door and stood up. 

“You don’t have to walk me in. Go get some sleep. Do you know the room number?”

“621,” she told him. She reached her arms out for a hug and Adam obliged. He closed his eyes and breathed in her comforting scent. “I love you,” Blue told him.

“I love you too.” He grabbed his suitcase and bag out of the car and pulled it with him into the hospital entrance. 

Adam felt nervous as he walked up to the front desk. He was glad he got to catch up with Blue, but he knew they had been just pretending to be normal for twenty minutes, when neither of them felt normal about this at all.

_Noah’s been in an accident._

_You should come home._  

Gansey’s phone call had triggered something in him. A need to protect that he hadn’t felt in a long time. He just wanted Noah to be okay. He would give _anything_ for Noah to be okay.  

Everything was blurred around the edges as he spoke to the receptionist. He assumed to tell them he was here to see Noah Czerny in room 621. He hoped that’s what he’d said. 

_Fuck._ He wasn’t good at this. He didn’t know how to visit people in hospitals. He didn’t know how to be okay when he was about to see Noah lying comatose in a hospital bed. Not to mention the fact that he was also about to meet Noah’s boyfriend. 

He followed someone down a hallway and to the elevator. Once inside, he leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes and let the feeling of rising up to the six floor take hold in his stomach. He didn’t open his eyes until he heard the “ping” indicating the elevator doors would be opening. He felt like he was going to throw up.

The person he was following—was it the receptionist? nurse?—walked out and he followed them down a few more hallways until they stopped and he waited. 

“Try to keep the noise level down so you don’t disturb the other patients in this wing. That’s why we usually don’t have visitors at this hour.”

Adam just nodded his head. He grabbed the door handle and hesitated. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and then finally opened the door. He stepped inside and closed it behind him.

Someone sitting in a chair next to the bed immediately stood up. He thought maybe they’d been sleeping. Henry.  

It was dark in the room, just a faint glow from a red light in the corner illuminated the room and gave him sight. The man standing in front of him was cast in shadow on the left side of his face, while the right side was lit with the red glow, making it difficult to see his features. He was tall, with what looked like dark, short, curly hair. He was wearing all black, tight clothes, with a leather jacket on. Not what he would normally assume to be Noah’s type, but everyone changed when they got older. 

Adam looked down at Noah briefly before dropping his suitcase on the floor. He took a couple steps forward and turned back to Henry. He could see him better up close, and he noticed now that he was very handsome. Scruffy beard, which he _knew_ wasn’t Noah’s type, but it was most likely due to being away from a razor after the accident. 

He reached out his hand toward him. “You must be Henry.”

He watched as his features changed dramatically. First to confusion, then to disappointment, and then to—amused? He coughed as he surveyed Adam and his out-stretched hand. Then he grabbed it, shaking it.   
  
“Not Henry, no.”

Adam blanched. “Oh my God, sorry. What’s you’re name? I just had a really long flight. You’re Noah’s boyfriend, right?”

Not-Henry smiled at this and shook his head, taking his hand away from Adam.  

“Definitely not Noah’s boyfriend,” he said to Adam, eyebrows raised. 

“Oh. Sorry. Who are you?” Adam felt like an idiot now. 

“We’ve met,” was all the guy said back. He looked amused again, like he was laughing at a joke that Adam wasn’t in on. 

“Shit. Sorry, I haven’t been here in seven years, and I’m not great at remembering people and—” Adam was cut off with some hand-waving. 

“It’s fine. Don’t sweat it, Parrish.”    


Adam’s jaw dropped just slightly as he took in this guy who was clearly not a stranger but definitely a stranger. 

He winced before asking, “What is your name, again?” 

He got a blinding half-smile in return. “It’s Ronan. Ronan Lynch.”

___

He and Ronan sat on opposite sides of Noah’s bed in a silence that Ronan seemed to find comfortable, but Adam was finding more and more uncomfortable with each passing minute. He did know who Ronan Lynch was. He was Gansey’s best friend. He went to Aglionby with Gansey and Noah. Adam had heard stories about Ronan from each of his friends over the years. But he didn’t remember them having met before, as Ronan had told him. 

But then again, he hadn’t really become friends with Gansey and Noah until his senior year of high school, and that was only by association. Blue and Gansey had dated for a bit back then, before deciding to just be friends, and Adam had been along for the ride as Blue’s best friend. Then he’d somehow come out of it close with both Noah and Gansey. Somehow he didn’t remember he and Ronan crossing paths. _Fuck_ it was going to bother him all night. It was better than the alternative, which was him thinking about Noah. He’d spent about ten minutes just staring at Noah’s bandaged arms and bruised face, trying to keep from crying. But he didn’t. He bit his tongue hard until the pain helped him avoid it. He hated crying. 

He sighed and grabbed his phone to text Blue. She would know about Ronan. Then he looked at the time, 2:02am, and thought better of it. He would hound her for information in the morning. He locked his phone and dropped it in his lap. Then grabbed it and opened it up again. He would just have to google Ronan while sitting four feet away from him. He was starting to type his name into the search bar when Ronan spoke up.

“So where have you been for seven years?” He asked. His voice was low and quiet. Adam was startled for some reason.

“Uh, California,” he whispered, awkwardly. 

“Why?” Ronan asked. 

Adam turned his chair toward him slightly so he could look at him. “I moved there to go to Stanford.” 

He watched as Ronan scratched at his chin and leaned his head back against the seat. It was so dark and quiet in the room. And the red light made every word seem more serious for some reason. 

Ronan cracked his neck. “Have you been at Stanford this whole time?”

“I graduated last year, so basically.”

“Damn. Six years straight of college. Must’ve been hard.”

Adam cleared his throat. “It was. Luckily I got scholarships so I didn’t have to work the entire time.”

Ronan nodded. “What did you study?”

“Mechanical Engineering for my BA. Then Masters of Science in Engineering: Product Design.”

“Jesus, that sounds intense,” Ronan said seriously. 

Adam laughed, quietly. “Yeah it kind of was.”

“You must be really smart,” Ronan said, smiling at him. 

“Uh, I mean. I think I’m just hard-working,” Adam said ducking his head a little. This conversation was embarrassing. 

“I’m sure it’s not _just_ that, Parrish.” 

Adam tried to change the conversation. “What about you?” 

“Didn’t go to college.” 

“I mean, what have you been doing for the last seven years?” Adam said, mimicking Ronan’s initial question.

“Farming.”

“Farming?” Adam asked incredulously. 

“Hey, don’t knock farming. People have to eat, you know.”

“I don’t think it’s a bad profession, it just surprised me. You don’t exactly dress like a farmer,” Adam said pointedly.

“Now, don’t go stereotyping us,” Ronan deadpanned.

Adam laughed. “Sorry it’s just. Not what I would have assumed.” 

Ronan smirked and sat up straighter. “What would you assume, then?”

Adam scrutinized Ronan’s appearance dramatically before answering. “Punk rock band?” 

Ronan laughed out loud, and then covered his mouth when he thought better of it. “Fuck, you're gonna make the nurse come chastise me for being loud!”

“Sorry,” Adam said, smiling, not the least bit sorry.

They sat in silence for awhile again before Adam spoke up this time. “So you and Noah are pretty close?” He asked. 

Ronan’s face clouded over and Adam almost felt bad bringing it up, but it wasn’t something they could ignore, exactly, with Noah between them. “He’s one of my best friends.” Ronan’s voice was hollow now, in a way it wasn’t before.    


“Same,” Adam said. He didn’t really know what to say. Here were two people close enough to Noah that they were both sitting by his hospital bed at two something in the morning, but somehow they didn’t know each other before this? Life was seriously strange. 

They were silent after that. Adam would have thought Ronan might be asleep with how still he was, but his eyes were open and alert. Thirty or so minutes later, Ronan’s phone buzzed with a text alert. Ronan immediately checked it and typed something back to the sender.  

“Where are you staying tonight?” he asked Adam.  

Adam shrugged. “Haven’t figured that out yet.” 

“Henry’s coming to relieve us. Do you want a ride somewhere?” Ronan’s face was passive. 

“No, that’s okay, I’ll just get an Uber.”

Ronan frowned. “An Uber? There’s no Uber in Henrietta.”

“Oh.” Adam felt dumb. He’d been too anxious to get here, he never figured out his sleeping arrangements. 

“I can give you a ride,” Ronan said again.    


Adam weighed his options. 

“Where is everyone else staying?” he asked eventually. 

“Blue’s staying with her family, Henry’s been over with Noah’s parents, and Gansey’s staying with me." 

“I guess I’ll just go to Blue’s. Although, fuck, it’s 3:25, I don’t want to wake them all up. I should just get a hotel room.”

Ronan rolled his eyes. “You can stay with me. And Gansey.”

Adam bit his lip. “It’s no big deal, I just—”

“Adam, honestly, it’s fine. Gansey would probably prefer it.”

Adam hesitated and then nodded. “I’ll stay with Blue tomorrow night.”

Ronan rolled his eyes again. “Calm down. It’s fine. You’re not imposing.”

It was weird, the way Ronan knew exactly what Adam was worrying about. But maybe he was just an open book right now after not sleeping and this whole Noah thing. Ronan stood up from his chair and stretched his whole body, his black t-shirt pulling up a little and revealing a strip of skin and dark hair on his stomach. Adam took his time looking away. 

“Thank you,” he said after a moment. “For letting me stay.”

“Any time.”

___

When the real Henry got to the hospital, he rushed to Noah’s side in a blur. He grabbed Noah’s hand, kissing it, before sitting down in the seat Ronan had previously been occupying. It was like he didn’t see Adam and Ronan, only Noah. Adam felt his heart contract tightly a little at that. The love Henry had for Noah was so plain in his body language, in the anguish in his eyes, and in the way he clutched onto Noah’s hand as if it were keeping him tethered to the Earth. Adam had to look away.  

“Henry, Adam. Adam, Henry.” Ronan said mildly, before grabbing two sets of keys off the table. 

“Nice to meet you,” Henry said, not taking his eyes off Noah. 

“Nice to meet you too,” Adam said. 

Ronan turned to him. “We should leave.” He grabbed Adam’s suitcase and opened the door, disappearing into the hallway. 

“I’ll be back in the morning,” Adam told Henry, though he really felt like he was talking to Noah. Then he followed Ronan into the hallway and closed the door. 

Once they were in the parking lot, Ronan stopped and turned around to face Adam. 

“Do you drive?”

“What?” Adam was confused. 

“Do you drive?” Ronan repeated. “Or are you an invalid like Sargent?”

Adam laughed really hard. Ronan looked at him amused, and Adam kept laughing. He was definitely going to mention this to Blue in the morning. Once he’d calmed down he replied.  


“Sorry. Yes, I can drive.”

Ronan tossed Adam a set of keys and Adam caught them one-handed.

“Good, because I brought my bike, and Dick probably will want his own car in the morning.” Adam raised his eyebrows at the mentions of ‘bike’ and ‘Dick’, but didn’t respond. Ronan brought him over to an orange Camaro and indicated for Adam to open door. 

When he did, Ronan put Adam’s suitcase safely in the backseat. 

“My bike is just over there,” He said, pointing to his left. “Just follow me.” 

Adam nodded and got into the car, starting the engine. 

He watched Ronan put a helmet on and get onto a black motorcycle. He’d only known him for two hours but everything about it just screamed Ronan. Or so he thought. He was, after all, a farmer.

He followed Ronan to the outskirts of town, yawning and trying to stay awake. He felt guilty for reminiscing about how hot Ronan looked on his motorcycle rather than thinking about Noah’s state of being. He knew that after a long night’s sleep he would be less delirious though. And maybe if he could refill his prescription for Klonopin at the pharmacy in town, he wouldn’t feel the need to distract himself in order to cope with what was happening to Noah. 

Adam breathed a sigh of relief as they pulled up to what looked to be a large amount of land with a big farmhouse and a bunch of barns all scattered around it. This must be the farm Ronan worked at. Fog was covering the landscape, and the only light came from his and Ronan’s headlights, and one singular yellow porch light. 

He pulled into what seemed like a driveway, and parked the Camaro. When he got out of the car, Ronan was already next to him, sans helmet, and opening the back seat to pull out Adam’s suitcase. 

“I can take that,” Adam said, feeling bad. It was really heavy, since he’d brought one of his projects with him, not knowing how long he’d be here for. 

Ronan just shook his head. “It’s fine.” He walked up to the farmhouse and opened the screen door. It screeched open, sounding like a wounded animal. Adam stood next to Ronan as he leaned against the screen and pulled out his keys to open the front door. As soon as he got it open, he pulled Adam’s suitcase inside and stepped aside so Adam could enter. 

The first thing he noticed was that it smelled like herbs and bread. Exactly what you’d assume a farmhouse would smell like, Adam guessed, but it was nice all the same. Everything was wooded, wood paneling on the walls and wooden beams across the celling. 

Ronan let out a sarcastic “Welcome home” before pulling Adam’s suitcase up the stairs. Adam followed him. It was dark inside, and Ronan hadn’t bothered to turn on any lights, presumably because he knew his way around, but Adam kept close to him so he could be sure of where he was walking.

When they reached the second floor landing, Ronan walked down to the end of the hall and pointed to a closed door. “That’s my room. Gansey’s in there. You’ll be right next door in here.” He opened the door to the left of Ronan’s and walked inside.  

He flipped the light switch, and Adam’s eyes adjusted to the new brightness. Ronan set his suitcase down on the army green trunk which sat at the foot of the queen sized bed. The bed had a handmade quilt on it with three names stitched into the fabric. ‘Declan’ ‘Ronan’ ‘Matthew’. Adam set his carry on bag onto the bed and turned to Ronan. 

“Thanks again for letting me stay here,” he said.  


Ronan just gave him a small smile. “Bathroom’s just one room over.” 

Adam nodded, slipping off his shoes. 

“Just come knock on the door if you need anything.”

“Which room are you sleeping in?” 

“Oh, with Gansey.” Ronan smiled and left the room, leaving Adam stunned. 

___

He got ready for bed and changed into just his boxer-briefs and a t-shirt before climbing under the covers and finally letting his mind wander. His thoughts were wrapped up in one particular part of their conversation. Were Ronan and Gansey together?

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was always the same. 

He stood and looked around at all the dead bodies encircling him. Their faces changed each time, but they didn’t matter. They were always stabbed; never shot, burned, strangled, or killed off in any other sinister way. The dream was clear, but it still felt cloudy around the edges, almost like a neoclassical painting. He looked down at his hands, covered in thick, dark red blood, and felt nothing. Then, as always, he awoke. 

The dreams had been happening for years; never more than a few nights between them, they were part of his regular schedule. He was used to them. 

The dream or—as most would deem it—nightmare, Adam woke from that morning in Ronan Lynch’s guest bedroom was no different than any of the others. The stage was the same and he played his part per usual. He didn’t recognize any corpses, which his therapists always asked about. But for some unknown reason, the dream felt extra disturbing in his new setting.

Adam had been tossing and turning most of the morning. He’d woken up and fallen back asleep multiple times, but after the dream he knew there was no point. Insomnia was just another symptom of his anxiety. He needed to get his prescription. He knew he couldn’t keep going the way he was without it, and he didn’t want to have a breakdown about Noah in front of everyone. Everyone else was just as upset and he didn’t want to be selfish and make it all about him, so he needed to keep any prospective breakdowns internal. The Klonopin would help with that. 

He sat up in bed and grabbed his phone from the bedside table, pulling it from the charger. After checking google, he realized the pharmacy wouldn’t be open for another two hours. It was as good a reason as any to get some work done, so he pulled his travel tool box and project out from his suitcase.

Adam set up a little work station on the floor and lay everything out on the towel he brought, not wanting to stain the hardwood or rug with grease. As he started to work, he tried to think only on what he was building, what he was trying to accomplish, and nothing else. That didn’t last very long.

After about twenty minutes, his mind was too frantic to focus. No, everything would be fine. He just needed to keep himself between three locations and only them. If he never veered from that plan, he’d be fine. Right?  
  
Obviously Ronan’s farmhouse was one location as he was already there, then 300 Fox Way, where he was surely going to stay for the rest of his visit, and finally, the hospital. It was the best and only way to avoid running into any of the reasons why he left Henrietta without looking back. He shook his head trying to keep those thoughts at bay. No. If he kept to those three locations he would easily survive the trip. It was fine. Everything was fine. Noah would wake up, and be fine. Adam wouldn’t see anyone he didn’t want to. Everything would be fine. 

About ten minutes later, it was clear that Adam wasn’t going to be able to get any work done. It was frustrating, because he usually could lose himself completely in his work, sometimes working for six hours without even thinking of taking a break. He loved what he did, he loved creating and designing and making prototypes with his hands. Being productive was the ultimate coping mechanism, and he absolutely hated that it wasn’t working. As soon as he had his medicine he’d be fine. Just an hour and a half.

Adam repacked his equipment and sat at the edge of the bed. He let his body fall back until it hit the mattress, bouncing once before settling. He sighed. He needed to kill time for at least another hour. He didn’t think Blue would be awake as she was not a morning person, but he wasn’t sure about Ronan or Gansey. 

What he wanted was to take a shower and wash off the grease from his hands and the plane ride from the rest of him. He grabbed a change of clothes and his bag of toiletries and opened the door. Hardwood floor creaking beneath his feet, Adam slowly walked into the hallway toward the bathroom. He reached out to grab the handle just as the door sprang open and a cloud of steam burst into the room. 

Suddenly, he was very close to a dripping wet, mostly naked Gansey. Adam’s mouth felt dry all of a sudden. Gansey’s face changed once he wiped the fog from his glasses and he noticed it was Adam standing in front of him. He smiled a big, happy, white-toothed smile and pulled Adam in for a tight hug. Adam was very aware of the fact that Gansey was only wearing a bath towel, but he found himself sinking into the hug, letting his arms wrap around Gansey’s back and his chin fall onto his shoulder. God, he gave good hugs…

“Hey Gansey,” he said softly. Gansey squeezed him tightly and then pulled back.

“It’s been so long. I’m so happy you’re here! You saw Noah? Ronan mentioned seeing you at the hospital.”

Adam sighed, “Yeah.” He looked down and scratched at his head. 

“We’re all glad you’re here,” Gansey paused and Adam met his eyes. “I really missed you, Adam.”

Adam felt a small knot begin to form in his chest, but he gave Gansey a small but sincere half-smile. “I missed you too, Gansey.” Gansey smiled back and they just smiled at each other for a moment, not saying anything. Eventually Adam pointed behind Gansey. 

“Any clean towels in there?” 

Gansey moved aside. “Oh, yeah. In the cupboard, sorry!” 

Adam bit down a smile and moved inside to grab a towel. 

“Come down when you’re done. I think Ronan is making breakfast soon.” 

“Sounds good,” Adam said, his hand holding onto the door. Gansey was partway down the hall when he turned back around and gave Adam another million-watt smile. Adam smiled back again and then closed the door.  
___

Once showered and changed, Adam made his way downstairs. The house was full of light, curtains open to allow streams of sunlight to dance around each room. When he found the kitchen, he looked around, curious. It was large and cluttered. Mismatched copper and ceramic pots lined the countertops, holding cooking utensils and indoor plants. There was an antique wood-burning stove against one wall, scenting the air with the smell of hickory. The island, which also seemed antique, had a butcher board top, and was completely covered in muffins; a few dozen in large freezer bags on one side, and another couple dozen sitting on cooling racks on the other. 

Adam raised his eyebrows at the sheer quantity of muffins in front of him, but he didn’t grab one, unsure of whether he was supposed to or not.  
He looked out the windows of the two french doors on the other side of the kitchen which led out to a garden, and spotted Ronan and Gansey walking down the path toward him from one of the old barns. Adam watched them curiously. Gansey was wearing clothes now, a dark green polo t-shirt and jeans, while Ronan wore ripped up black jeans and a white shirt he’d cut the sleeves from. Aesthetically, Adam observed, they were practically opposite: one seamed together perfectly, cleanly shaven, and presentable, the other torn at the edges, unshaven, and wild looking. As they came closer, he noticed that their facial expressions were also vastly different: Gansey seemed calm, hands in his pockets, while Ronan was gesturing wildly, talking animatedly about something. 

He watched as Gansey looked up at Ronan and smiled at him. Ronan didn’t notice and just kept on talking, but Adam could see, even a hundred feet away, how fond that smile was.  
Adam turned away immediately. He pulled out his phone and typed in the phone number for the local pharmacy. He could leave them a message, just for something to do. 

He heard the doors open and the excited “Adam!” that followed. He turned, locking his phone and plastering a perfectly neutral look on his face. “Hey,” he said. 

“Parrish,” Ronan greeted. 

He watched as Ronan knocked his shoulder into Gansey. Gansey seemed to understand what that meant, because understanding crossed his face and he moved, no doubt fluent in Ronan’s touches. Adam let that particular train of thought stop right there. 

Gansey started bagging up the rest of the muffins, and then put all the bags into a large, reusable shopping bag. Adam couldn’t hold off much longer so he spoke up. 

“What’s with all the muffins?” He asked, looking at Ronan. Ronan looked down at his feet, scuffing one shoe with the other. It was Gansey who answered. 

“For Noah’s family. And Henry. Ronan made them. I’m headed to the house now to drop them off,” he said, swinging the overflowing muffin bag over his shoulder. 

“I can come with—” Adam started, but Gansey was already shaking his head. 

“You should eat. Plus, Blue will be here soon. I figured you’d want to see her.” 

Adam nodded.

Ronan and Adam followed Gansey to the front door. Adam grabbed Gansey’s keys from his back pocket and handed them to him. 

“Thank you,” Gansey said, looking at the two of them. “Well, I guess I’ll let you two catch up.” Adam frowned and looked at Ronan, who’s face was passive. Then Gansey was gone, leaving the two of them alone. 

Adam awkwardly turned to Ronan. “So, what’s for breakfast? More Muffins?” 

Ronan smirked and nodded his head toward the back of the house. “Come and find out. You can help.” Ronan started down the hall and then stopped, turning back and looking down at Adam’s shoes quizzically. 

“What shoe size do you wear?” Ronan asked him. 

Adan was caught off guard. “Why?”

Ronan made a face. “Don’t want you to ruin your nice, city boy shoes with mud,” he explained. 

Adam raised his eyebrows. “Are we going to dig for our breakfast?” 

Ronan laughed. “In a manner of speaking, yes.”  
___

Once Adam was equipped with a pair of ‘Declan’s old shoes’, they headed out the kitchen doors and into the garden. Ronan grabbed a basket off a nail on the side of the house and as they walked, Adam watched him twirl it around, occasionally throwing it up in the air and catching it. The air was warm and muggy, and Adam wanted to take off his shirt. California heat and Henrietta heat were two very different beasts.

It was quiet as they continued up a well worn path around one of the barns. That far out, Adam mused, traffic sounds and any noise indicating human life outside the two of them was non-existent. He could hear only the sounds nature provided, along with the quiet rasping of Ronan’s basket knocking against tall weeds, and their own footsteps. 

It was nice, but too much quiet made Adam itch. It reminded him too much of the calm before the storm. Something he associated with Henrietta. So he spoke up. 

“It was nice of you to make food for the Czernys.” 

Ronan looked over at him and then straight ahead again before answering. “We’re all just trying to do what we can.” He paused. “To make it easier.”

Adam nodded, then asked, “What else have you guys done?”

He and Ronan pulled up to one of the barns that had been reworked to look like an overgrown chicken coop. There was netting about a hundred feet up and two hundred feet across, surrounding the barn. Ronan had to pull it back so they could step inside. 

“Sargent brings them coffee every morning, Gansey sends them dinner, and I take care of breakfast,” he answered eventually. 

“Hmm.” Adam felt useless. What could he do to help? Even Blue was waking up hours before she normally would to bring them coffee. Adam had nothing to give. 

Ronan grabbed a bag of seed and poured it all over the ground, unceremoniously. Soon, little heads popped out of the doorway as the inhabitants were notified of their presence. But they sure as hell weren’t chickens. Dozens of quail ran out of the coop to where Ronan dumped the seed. Adam watched them in awe. They were all different sizes and colors, and they were making strange cooing noises as they tried to find a bite to eat. 

“Quail? Why not chickens?” Adam asked, not taking his eyes off the gentle swarm. 

“Because, Parrish. Chickens are assholes,” Ronan said, coming to stand beside Adam. “Come on, let’s go in while they’re distracted.” Adam followed him into the barn, still shocked by the birds. Ronan grabbed a few eggs and handed them to Adam who marveled at them. They were so small.

“They’re tiny,” he said.

Ronan began collecting the eggs and dropping them into the basket carefully. “The eggs might be smaller, but they’re just as nutritious as chicken eggs. Quail are mild-tempered and friendly. They aren’t dicks like chickens.” 

Adam looked at him. “You seem to have a personal vendetta against chickens.”

Ronan turned to give him a serious look. “They’re demons, Adam. We had them growing up.” 

Adam raised his eyebrows. 

“They bullied me!” Ronan said, seriously. 

Adam burst out laughing. Ronan just rolled his eyes and grabbed the rest of the eggs. 

When he’d finished, they walked over to another barn kitty-corner to the quail house. This one was filled with tools and had a large sink. Ronan set down the basket and walked over to the sink, grabbing a bottle of soap and turning on the faucet. 

“Get over here,” he said to Adam. Ronan poured some soap into Adam’s hands and then his own and they washed them together, side by side in silence. Adam never thought farming would be fun, but he was starting to see the merits. 

Once they were done, Ronan led them back to the house and to the garden. He dropped down to his knees in front of some plants. The little plants seemed to be new, and were growing out of red, plastic party cups with the bottom cut out. Ronan started pulling off leaves and putting them in the bottom of his tank top. 

“What’s with the plastic cups?” Adam asked.

“Slugs and beetles are always fucking eating my seedling herbs. So far plastic’s the only thing they haven’t been able to eat through. Little shits.” He stood up, his tank top pulled up to keep the herbs in their little pouch. 

He watched Ronan grab some peppers and tomatoes, handing them to Adam to keep safe. 

“I feel like I’m not doing anything. I’m not helping,” Adam blurted out. Ronan looked up at him, handing him a zucchini, and frowned. 

“You’re holding the vegetables. It’s a very important job, Parrish.”

Adam sighed. “I mean, I wish I could do something to help Noah and his family,” he said. 

Ronan paused, thoughtfully, still looking at Adam. “You flew across the country to see Noah,” he said. “I think that counts as a grand gesture.” 

“I should buy him flowers.”

“What?” Ronan seemed appalled. 

“That’s what you do right? When someone you care about is in the hospital? You buy them a bouquet of flowers.” 

Ronan looked offended. “You’re not buying him flowers.” 

“Excuse me?” Adam said, his voice had an edge to it. 

Ronan rolled his eyes. Adam was starting to think rolling his eyes was one of Ronan’s ‘things’. “Look around you, Parrish. I live on a farm. You think I’m going to let you spend your hard earned money on wilted baby’s breath when you can pick your own right here?” 

He had a point. “Okay…” Adam said. 

Ronan set down the basket and went to grab two more off the side of the house. He took the vegetables from Adam and put them in one basket, and handed Adam the empty one. 

“Here, I’ll even help.” 

Adam smiled at him. “Thanks.” 

“Whatever,” Ronan said. They walked around the house to another garden, this one more secluded and shaded. It was full of lush flowers. “I can’t believe you grow so many flowers.” 

Ronan scoffed. “They’re for the bees,” was all he said. 

“Ah,” Adam said, trying not to laugh. “The bees.”  
___

Once they had collected a bunch of different flower varieties, they came back inside, leaving their shoes on the mat. Ronan grabbed a crystal vase from a high shelf close to the celling and rinsed it off while Adam clipped the flowers, making them uniform. He’d never actually picked flowers before. He liked it. 

They worked mostly in silence, Adam arranging the flowers and Ronan reaching out to change things. Eventually Adam got so annoyed he swatted Ronan’s hand away when he was about to move something. Ronan smirked. 

“It’s perfect,” Adam said. 

They looked at it together for a moment before the front door slammed shut. Adam hadn’t even heard it open. He looked up as Blue stalked into the room, dropping a carton of coffee cups onto the island and moving over to Adam to hang on him. Her arm was around him and her head was against his chest, as she sagged against him. 

“I’m so tired, I’m dying,” she whined. 

“Go lie down,” Adam suggested. “Yeah,” Ronan said. “Both of you, get out of here. I’m trying to make breakfast.” He shooed them away. 

Blue grabbed Adam’s hand and lead him into the living room while Ronan started cooking. Blue draped herself onto a chair, and Adam sat on the one next to her. He kept glancing up at Ronan and looking away. He thought he was being subtle, but evidently not. 

“You’re acting weird,” she said. 

Adam glared at her. “No I’m not!” 

She continued to give him a look. 

“So Ronan…” Adam started. 

Blue’s face lit up into a mischievous smile. “Ooh, yes, what about him?”

“He says we’ve met, but I’ve never met him,” Adam told her. 

Blue frowned. “Really? I’m sure you’ve met.” Adam shook his head. 

“Of course you have!" "When?” Adam asked. 

Blue thought about it for a moment. “You have to have met Ronan. I’m sure of it.” She paused and looked away and Adam waited. Then, “Oh my god, are you serious? You’ve never met Ronan?” 

“Nope,” Adam said. 

Blue made an incredulous face and said, “Well, this just proves it.” 

Adam was confused. “Proves what?” “It must have happened in the Berenstein universe.” 

“Oh my god, Blue,” Adam said, shaking his head. 

She shrugged. “So he told you you two had met?” 

Adam nodded. 

“You think it was just a line?” She asked. 

They both turned to where Ronan was cooking breakfast in the kitchen. 

“No, Blue, it’s not—he’s not into me.” 

“What? Why would you think that? You’re totally Ronan’s type,” she said, matter-of-factly. 

Adam shook his head. “I don’t think I am though.” 

Blue gave him another one of her looks. “Adam, you’re everyone’s type.” 

Adam shook his head again. “I think Gansey is.” 

Blue screamed. “WHAT?” Adam winced and looked up. Sure enough, Blue’s outburst had attracted Ronan’s attention from the kitchen. He gave them a puzzled look. 

“Jesus,” Adam said. “Keep your voice down. I’m just saying. I think Ronan and Gansey are like,” he snuck another look over at Ronan. “A couple.” 

Blue laughed so hard she fell back in her chair, hard enough that it started rocking vigorously before she stuck a foot on the ground to stop it. She was practically in hysterics. 

Adam rolled his eyes. “I’m not kidding. They sleep in the same bed and everything.”

“So?” Blue asked him, unconvinced. “Look, Ronan and Gansey have been best friends since, well, forever. They’re not no-homo type of guys. They can share a bed without suspicion of them fucking.” 

“Alright, geez. I was just saying.” 

Blue laughed again. “Do you want me to talk to Ronan for you?” 

“What? No!” Adam said. 

“Like I said, you’re totally his type. I could—” Adam cut her off. 

“Absolutely never.” 

Blue put her hands up in surrender. 

“I’m not here so I can hook up with someone I’m never going to see again, anyway,” he told her.

Blue nodded, and then an evil look took over her expression. “Oh, was this just about your crush on—“ Adam moved fast and threw a hand over her mouth. They fought playfully, her trying to move his hand and him trying to shut her up. 

Adam heard the front door open just as Blue got free from his grasp, rolling off her chair. “GANSEY!” she yelled. 

Adam sighed and sat back down in his chair. “So immature,” he said under his breath. 

“Someone say my name?” a voice from the hallway said. Adam shot Blue a look and she smiled widely. 

“Just seeing if it was you,” Adam said, when Gansey came into view. 

Gansey smiled at them and walked over to Ronan in the kitchen. 

“They’ve been rough-housing, Dick,” Ronan told him. Gansey looked over at Blue and Adam, both their faces innocent. He laughed and moved closer to Ronan, watching as he plated the food. Adam watched as Gansey’s hand reached out to rub Ronan’s back. They said a few words between them that Adam couldn’t quite make out. 

Then Ronan called out to them. “Breakfast is served, losers.” Blue sprang up and Adam followed her into the kitchen. The three of them sat on stools at the island while Ronan served them food. 

“One regular omelet loaded with meat for you,” he said, setting down a plate in front of Gansey who thanked him with a beaming smile. “And one egg-white omelet loaded with vegetables for you.” Ronan placed that one in front of Blue. 

“Yes!” she said, grabbing a fork and scarfing it down immediately. 

Ronan had two more plates in his hands and he turned to Adam, presenting them both. “I wasn’t sure what you liked,” he said. “So you can have either.” Adam grabbed the meaty one and Ronan smirked. 

“Thanks,” he told Ronan. 

Ronan placed the other vegetarian omelet in front of himself, but not before dropping three pieces of bacon on top for good measure. 

The four of them ate in silence. Adam wondered about Gansey and Ronan. He wasn’t sure why he was so curious. He didn’t even know Ronan and they most likely wouldn’t have met for a long time if Noah hadn’t been in a coma, if ever. Maybe Blue was right, maybe this was just about Gansey. Gansey had never shown any noticeable interest in the male gender for as long as Adam had known him. 

The more Adam thought about it, the more he believed Blue. They probably were just friends. Hell, he and Blue had shared a bed hundreds of times and they even held hands walking down the street, but they sure weren’t together. It was silly and stupid of him to think that two guys couldn’t do the same thing. Just because he’d never had male friends like that. The truth was, Blue hadn’t been totally lying. He did have a crush on Gansey—or at least he used to—but that was a long time ago. He was brought out of his thoughts by Blue’s voice. 

“So now that we’re all here,” she started, getting their attention. “No updates about Noah. He hasn’t woken up yet, obviously, but the doctors say that could be because his body is busy healing itself after all the injuries. He got bonked on the head pretty bad in the accident.” Ronan put his fork down and moved to sit on the stool next to Gansey, furthest away from Adam. 

“Any word on what could have caused the accident?” Adam asked. 

“No,” Gansey sighed. “The police are still being vacuous with their wild animal theory. They don’t seem to know what to think after the tox-screen came back negative.” Adam nodded. 

“We should go over there soon,” Ronan said, his voice low. Adam watched Blue and Gansey share a look. 

“Ronan,” Blue said cautiously. “The family is there right now. We don’t want to step on their toes.”

Ronan combed his fingers through his hair and pulled, then stood up. “I’m worried about Henry is all,” he said. His voice was calm. Adam didn’t really know him well enough to be sure, but his eyes seemed to hold panic in them. 

Gansey stood up and put a hand on Ronan’s shoulder. “Why don’t we go for a drive,” he said.

“Yeah,” Ronan nodded. He turned back. “Um, make yourselves at home,” he said to Adam and Blue.

Blue rolled her eyes and yelled at them as they left the room. “I’m painting the whole house purple!” 

“I’m sure it’ll look great!” Ronan yelled back. 

Blue turned to Adam giggling. “Joke’s on him. I really will do it. Starting with his bedroom.” Adam laughed. “So, what do you wanna do?” Blue asked, nudging him. 

“Actually, I need to go to the pharmacy. Can I get a ride?” 

Blue grabbed one of the Cabeswater Brew coffee cups from the counter. “Sure, but I need to fuel up first.”

“Don’t worry, I’m driving. You can drink on the way.” Blue slid off her stool and left the room. Adam moved to leave, but thought better of it and grabbed a coffee of his own first.  
___

“So how’s Cody?” Adam asked as they drove down the winding road away from Ronan’s farmhouse. 

Blue gave him a confused look. “Who?”

“Cody? That guy you work with at the record store? The one you always complained about.”

Blue looked even more confused. “The fuck are you asking about him for?” She took a drink from her coffee, eyeing Adam. 

“Oh, I just figured, it’s been a few months since you’ve complained about him. Maybe you two worked out your differences. He’s the mystery guy, huh?” Blue spit out her coffee all over the car and Adam broke out laughing. “Ew! Oh my god. Never!” 

“Orla’s gonna kill you!” Adam said laughing. Blue grabbed some loose take-out napkins off the floor and started wiping everything down. 

“I can’t believe you thought I’d have a thing with that disgusting, annoying, monstrosity of a human being. Jesus, Adam.” She said, chastising him. “If you must know, I quit my job. That’s why I haven’t been complaining about that mouth-breather.”

Adam looked over at her. She wasn’t meeting his eye. “Why did you quit your job? Did you get another one?” He asked, voice neutral. He didn’t want to seem like he was pushing her, obviously he supported her no matter what she did, but he worried about his best friend from time to time. 

“No, I don’t have another job yet. Actually, well—” she paused and looked out the window. Adam looked straight ahead and waited, giving her time. “I decided to go to community college.”

Adam swerved and then stopped the car, putting it in park. “Blue! Why didn’t you tell me?” 

She sighed. “I dunno. I was embarrassed, I guess. Mister Masters Degree. I’m 25 and I just finished my first quarter of college.” 

Adam looked at her incredulously. “Blue! That’s amazing! How could you be embarrassed of something like that! You’re incredible, come here.” Blue rolled her eyes, but relented, moving in for a hug. Adam hugged her as tightly as the two seatbelts would allow. “Seriously, anything you do, I’m always proud.” 

“Ugh, you sound like a dad in a coming of age drama,” she said, but she hugged him tighter all the same.  
“I don’t care. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Dad.” 

“Shut up.” 

They separated and Adam pulled back onto the road, both of them smiling. 

“Oh, you have to hear this song that—someone—sent me the other day. It’s so good,” Blue said, plugging her phone in. 

“I don’t even need to guess at this point, you’ll spill soon enough,” Adam told her. 

“Hmph. Anyway, it’s a great song. Listen!”

For awhile they just listened quietly together to a singer croon about how nothing was gonna hurt his baby, and Adam thought about Gansey and Ronan, and then he thought about Henry and Noah.

Maybe Ronan had a point. Maybe they should be worried about Henry. Yes, they all loved Noah, but Adam couldn’t even imagine. He’d never even been in a serious relationship, but seeing someone you’re in love with get hurt and having no control, nothing you could do to stop it or fix it—suddenly, Adam felt sick. His fingertips felt tingly, almost numb. He pushed the power button on the radio and pulled over for the second time. 

“Adam? What’s wrong?” Blue sounded concerned. 

“We have to go back,” he said. “I forgot something.”  
___

When Adam entered the hospital, bouquet of flowers in hand, it was much more chaotic than the first time he’d been there. Nurses moving patients around had to avoid colliding, families were loudly arguing over who was to blame for dad’s mini heart attack, doctors were being pages over the speaker system, and honestly, Adam didn’t even know that many people lived in Henrietta. It was a bit much, but luckily Blue was at his side.  
When they made it up to Noah’s floor, things became much quieter, but that meant the loud sobbing coming from his room was easy to spot. Blue and Adam looked at each other in horror and scrambled toward the door, but it opened before they made it. Noah’s mother, tear’s streaming down her face, was practically hyperventilating as she rushed into the hallway. 

“Maureen, did something happen to Noah?” Blue’s voice sounded hollow. 

“Oh! No honey, it’s nothing like that.” She kept crying and Blue linked arms with her, nodding at Adam to indicate that she’d take care of it. She guided Mrs. Czerny down the hallway away from the room. As they rounded the corner, Adam could hear her talking to Blue. 

“We just had the worst fight right before the accident and now I don’t know if we’ll ever have the chance to—” He didn’t hear the rest as they disappeared, but he got the gist of it. 

Adam felt awkward, not wanting to go inside alone and disturb what was likely to be a tense moment in the family, but also not wanting to just stand in the hallway for what could be hours, holding a crystal vase full of flowers. He sighed, and then knocked on the door lightly before slowly opening the door. He hesitated a moment before entering, and then saw Noah’s dad, his sisters, and Henry all sitting in chairs around Noah’s bed. They all looked up at his arrival. 

“Hey,” he said, feeling so out of place. Everyone else mumbled greetings, except one of Noah’s sisters who stood up and smiled brightly at him. 

“Adam Parrish?” She said. Adam blanked on her name. Alice? Amanda? Shit.

She came over to him and gave him a hug. He stood there and accepted it, not able to really hug back while cradling the vase. 

“Good to see you,” he said. 

She pulled back and beamed at him. “You know, I haven’t seen you since we worked together at the Founders’ Day Fair your senior year of high school? Can you believe it?” 

He cleared his throat. “Oh, yeah. Been quite awhile.”

“Yes. It sure has been.” She smiled demurely. “Are those for Noah?”

“What?” Adam asked. Then shook his head dumbly. “Oh, yeah.”

She grabbed the vase from him. “So beautiful. We’ll add it to the collection.” She walked over to the table by Noah’s bed and pushed a bunch of other flowers out of the way and put his closest to Noah’s head. 

“Thanks,” Adam said. He looked around. Noah’s dad looked like he was half asleep, his other sister was on her phone, and Henry was standing up and shoving his phone in his pocket.

“Thanks for coming,” Henry told him.

“Of course. So how’s—” Adam began. 

“We’ll just have to catch up! Tell me everything you’ve done in the past seven years,” Noah’s sister said. Adam scratched at his head, unsure how to even answer something like that. Luckily, he was saved. 

“Actually, Adele, Adam is here to pick me up. You’ll have to catch up later.”Adam locked eyes with Henry, who gave him a desperate, pleading look. 

“Yeah, good to see you all though,” Adam said. 

“Have fun!” Adele called. 

Henry threw an arm around Adam and ushered him to the door. “I’ll be back,” he told the Czernys before they moved into the hall. 

“Wow, okay, thank you. Let’s leave,” Henry said, dropping his arm and walking full speed toward the elevator. Adam hurried to keep up with him. As soon as they got there Henry pushed the button about ten times. 

“You know, once usually does the trick,” Adam told him. 

Henry turned to him. “Usually, Adam Parrish. Usually.”

“You know, I don’t actually have a car. I’m a terrible fake getaway driver, sorry.”

Henry laughed. “All that matters is escaping. We can go for a walk. I need fresh air.” The elevator doors opened. “And you sir, will be escorting me.”  
___

They were walking outside around the hospital when they found a bench and sat down. 

“Sorry for dragging you away like that,” Henry said cheerfully. 

Adam smiled, “No problem.” 

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Noah’s family. Almost like they’re my own! But, damn, I was running out of tact.”

Adam chuckled. “You? You seem so…polite.” 

Henry grinned. “I am polite. I’m very polite Adam Parrish. But do you know how many times I’ve had to actually bite down on my tongue to stop myself from making a ‘boyfriend in a coma’ joke in front of these people?”

Adam choked.

“I know, I know, it’s serious…” Henry mumbled. 

Adam burst out laughing, actually doubled over, coughing and sputtering. He felt it in the depths of his stomach he laughed so hard. He tried to regain control of himself but Henry was laughing just as hard and it took them a few minutes to calm down. 

“See? This is what I’ve been missing out on, dude.” He said seriously.

Adam looked at him shocked, “You listen to The Smiths?” 

Henry smiled, showing his teeth. “Well, only when I’m feeling especially mopey.” 

They both laughed again. 

After awhile Henry spoke up again. “So here’s the thing. You’re pretty cool. I like you. How have we not met before, again?” 

Adam bit his lip. “Yeah, I haven’t been back here in a long time.” 

Henry gave him a contemplative look. “Yeah, what’s that about, man? I mean, if you don’t mind.” 

Adam sighed. “I guess I just don’t have anything to come back to.” 

Henry frowned. “Really? Three best friends you love isn’t anything to come back to?” 

Adam cracked his neck. He didn’t want to have this conversation ever, but somehow he felt comfortable with Henry. “I don’t get along with my family.” 

“Ah, gotcha. Sorry for prying. Honestly, it’s a dick move. I'll go to great lengths to get my mind off shit,” Henry said. 

Adam shook his head. “No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Actually, what I should have said was…that I don’t have a family.” 

Henry’s face fell momentarily, but then it brightened back up. “I don’t know, Adam. The way Noah talked about you…I think your friends love you about as much as anyone loves their family, in this case probably more. Found families are real, man. Look it up. You’re part of one.”

Adam looked up at Henry’s sincere face and smiled. “You’re pretty cool yourself, Henry. I think I like you too.” Henry beamed at him and they sat for awhile in a comfortable, heavy silence, while they reflected on friends, family, and Noah, who as it turned out, was both to Adam.

“Noah should have introduced us a long time ago,” Henry said all of a sudden. “And when he wakes up, he will be properly reprimanded for that oversight.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just as a warning--this chapter includes a panic attack, a ptsd episode, and a little light alcohol use.
> 
> also, I'd like to thank sksai for letting me borrow her amazing OC for my fic. ;)

“You want me to _what_?!” Adam demanded. Blue gave him a nasty look. 

 

“It’d be nice if you could refrain from acting like I’m forcing you to murder a baby rabbit,” she said. “It’s not a big deal.” 

 

Adam glared at her. “Why can’t you do it?” 

 

“Because. Ever since my family found out I’m seeing someone, they’ve been hounding me about doing a reading. The whole family is reading my palms, cards, facial expressions, fucking tea leaves, and it’s happening tonight. I can’t get out of it.” 

 

Adam leveled her with an unimpressed look. “Flimsy excuse. Plus, no one in your family reads tea leaves.” 

 

Blue shrugged. “Persephone’s taken it up as a hobby.” Adam tapped his foot impatiently. They were sitting on a bench outside the hospital. The same bench he and Henry had wandered to earlier. Henry’d ventured back inside about an hour before, but Adam had stayed, enjoying the peace and the semi-quiet before Blue found him. 

 

“Fine!” She crossed her arms and made that huffing sound she always made that usually indicated frustration, and more often than not, defeat. “Gansey thinks it would be better if it was someone Ronan doesn’t know. That way he’ll be nice and he won’t argue.” 

 

Adam sighed. “But why do we have to—“

 

“Look. Ronan…he’s messed up. He won’t admit it, but he is. He hasn’t been himself since the accident. Granted, none of us have, but Ronan for some dumb reason blames _himself_ for what happened. He’s all mopey and he needs to get out of the house.” 

 

“Blue, I get it, I do. But I can’t be seen in public all over town. You know I can’t.” 

 

She grabbed his hand. “It’ll be okay! And if it isn’t I’ll take full responsibility. _And_ you can bring it up in every argument we have for the rest of our lives.” She gave him one last pleading look. 

 

“Ugh,” he said, relenting. “Fine.” Blue smiled and gave him a hug. “But you said it. Every argument for the rest of our lives,” he mumbled into her hair. 

  
“Can you drive the car back to my house? Orla needs it for work. I’m gonna stick around here for a few hours. Hold down the fort and what not.” 

 

“Sure,” Adam said as she let go of him. 

 

“Thank you. I’ll keep my phone on. Text me!” She handed him the keys and jumped up, walking away. _God_ , this was shaping up to be a long day. A long, awkward day. 

 

___

 

He heard him before he saw him, the low purring of the motorcycle. Adam looked up and sure enough it was Ronan, dressed the same as that morning with the addition of his helmet. Adam spent a moment staring at him and appreciating the view until Ronan jerked him out of his daze. 

 

“You coming? This thing’s heavy, ya know.” 

 

Adam rolled his eyes and took a few steps toward Ronan. “Isn’t that what the kickstand’s for?” He asked sardonically. 

 

“Yeah, yeah. Hop on, Parrish.” 

 

Adam bit his lip. “Actually, see, I would have texted you but I don’t have your number…Blue needs me to drop Orla’s car off. Do you mind?” 

 

Ronan waved a hand. “Nah, it’s cool. I’ll meet you there.” 

 

Adam nodded and hurried over to the beat-up car on the other side of the parking lot. He rolled down the windows once inside and headed toward 300 Fox Way, his teenage ‘home away from home’. Truly, he had spent more time there than his own apartment above the church. That was partly due to Maura thinking that even emancipated at sixteen, Adam was a child and he needed proper meals, and mostly due to he and Blue being so attached at the hip in those days that they didn’t see a point in sleeping in different rooms, let alone different sides of town. 

 

Adam was actually very excited to see everyone. He hadn’t seen Blue’s family since they’d all visited Blue at the same time in Brooklyn three years ago. He loved their house. He loved the chaos and the smell—he really hoped it smelled the same—and most of all he loved that underneath the veil of rampant sarcasm, there was so much _love_ in that house, pouring out of every corner of every room. He honestly didn’t know how Blue had managed to move away from all that love. But he knew it was different; Blue’s family’s love for her was unconditional and distance didn’t deter it. It was kind of how he felt about his friends.

 

When he pulled onto Fox Way, cars were parked in the driveway and along the street, so Adam parked across the street a few houses down. Sun was peeking through the large trees lining the street and he squinted as he got out of the car and looked toward the house. Ronan was standing down the street waiting for him. He got a feeling in his chest when he saw that. Adam walked toward him. 

 

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” Adam said as he crossed the street, all the while happy that he did wait. It was eerily quiet outside, just the faint sounds of birds gathering on the power line above his head, the jazzy music he could hear coming from Blue’s house, and the buzz of a couple of bikes, neighborhood kids pedaling down the street, but he could hear Ronan’s soft snort clearly. 

 

“I’m not going in there alone,” Ronan said, shaking his head. Adam watched him as they made their way toward the steps of 300 Fox Way. 

 

“You don’t get along with Blue’s family?” He asked. Ronan shrugged. Adam stopped and looked at him. Ronan sighed. 

 

“More like they don’t get along with me.” Adam frowned as they reached the front door. “You’ll see,” Ronan said before knocking his fist loudly.

 

It was Calla who answered the door, her black, winged eyeliner and clove smell familiar. She actually beamed when she saw him. Adam smiled widely at her and she moved to hug him, then called out over her shoulder, “Our favorite boy is back!”

 

Adam blushed and accepted her hug. 

  
“Adam?” He could hear Maura’s voice from somewhere in the house. He heard footsteps and then sure enough, there was Maura, black flowery dress, barefoot, and looking the same as always, albeit a few more wrinkles around the eyes. She shoved Calla aside playfully and grabbed Adam into a crushing hug of her own. 

 

“Our favorite boy in the world. I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispered. Adam felt shame for just a second. This felt like home. Real home. And he’d neglected it for so long. But that feeling passed quickly and he felt a calm spread throughout him, settling in his stomach for the first time since he stepped on the plane and left California. No—for the first time since he’d gotten the call from Gansey about Noah. 

 

“It’s good to be back,” he said, and he meant it. 

  
He heard someone clear their throat, and it wasn’t until then that he remembered Ronan. Maura and Calla seemed to have only just noticed they had another visitor as well. Maura pulled away and her eyes narrowed. Calla was positively sneering. Maybe Ronan had been right about them not liking him. 

 

“And he brought a snake with him,” Calla said, almost hissing. Adam looked at Ronan who rolled his eyes, seemingly used to the hostility. 

 

“Maura. Calla.” There was a bit of a stare-down, and Adam chose that moment to divert the attention back onto himself, if only to spare Ronan any of the physical violence Calla was imagining in her mind. 

 

He raised his eyebrows, shook his head, and said the only five words he knew they couldn’t resist. “You have anything to eat?”

 

Maura and Calla both immediately zoned in on Adam, looking him up and down and commenting on how thin he was (which was ridiculous, since he’d been working out more and he _knew_ he’d put on some weight), and saying that yes, he would eat a full meal, whether he liked it or not, and that his ‘friend’ could eat too, if he promised not to climb any trees with anyone. 

 

At that, Adam frowned, utterly confused. They were in the kitchen now, sitting next to each other in mismatched chairs at the table, while Maura and Calla made a racket with pots and pans. 

 

“It wasn’t my fault, oh my God,” Ronan said, exasperated. It seemed to Adam that they’d been through this argument a time or two. 

 

“What on earth did you _do_?” Adam asked, finally too curious to let it go. 

 

Ronan shook his head and muttered, “Here we go,” before leaning over to hide his face in Adam’s shoulder. Adam felt a shot of adrenaline flow through him. He took a slow, deep breath in order to stay still. He could feel Ronan’s breath on his neck, and it tickled his skin. He blushed, but forced himself to keep his face neutral. 

 

Calla, throwing some seasoning into a pan, turned to look at them. She gave Adam a look. Then said, “That boy broke Blue’s arm.” Adam looked down at Ronan on his shoulder, astonished, but couldn’t see his face because _it was_ _pressed into Adam._ He felt goosebumps forming on his skin. He figured he must’ve been very touch-starved if his nerves thought this was such a big deal. Finally, Ronan sat up and glared. Adam pretended not to miss the contact. 

 

Maura, who was tossing a few tablespoons of butter onto whatever Calla was cooking, spoke up. “A few years ago, he and Blue climbed the beech tree out back. And _somehow_ she fell out of the tree while he was still in it and broke her arm. Then he drove her to the hospital at 2am and neglected to tell us. We didn’t find out until Blue came home hours later with a black cast on her arm.” Adam remembered Blue breaking her arm, and he remembered her showing him pictures of the black cast. ‘It’s so no one can sign it,’ she’d said. He didn’t, however, remember Ronan being a part of the story. How many times was Ronan on the outskirts of Adam’s life without him even knowing? 

 

“She was drunk!” Ronan was yelling. “How is that my fault?!” 

 

“And who corrupted our Blue into drinking in the first place?” Calla asked. 

 

Ronan was almost hysterical now. “Not me!”

 

Adam couldn’t help it, he started laughing. Ronan glared at him. 

 

“We didn’t wake you because Blue made me promise not to! And it’s not like I pushed her out of the damn tree! She’s the one who yelled ‘I’M PETER PAN!” and jumped!” Adam snorted, and covered his mouth, but he couldn’t stop laughing. 

 

“We cannot blame Ronan Lynch for Blue being careless,” Persephone said, appearing in the doorway all of a sudden. 

 

“You take _his_ side?” Calla asked, incredulous. 

 

Ronan smirked and gave Calla a smug look. 

 

“I only take the side of logic.”

 

___

 

Adam and Ronan hung out with The Fox Way Women, as Ronan referred to them, for a few more hours. They warmed up to Ronan pretty quickly. For some reason, Adam’s proximity to him made Ronan more tolerable. He thought Ronan charming enough on his own, if a bit stubborn and contrary by nature. 

 

They saw Orla for about half a second when she grabbed the keys from Adam, screaming about being late, and ran out the door. “Always running, that one,” Calla had said. 

 

Four clients came by during the time they were there. Adam showed Ronan the best place to spy on the reading room. He and Blue used to spy regularly when they were younger, obsessed with guessing people’s stories. He found that Ronan enjoyed the game as well. Ronan’s guesses were always too farfetched and sordid: “Cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend; now pregnant and she needs to know who the father is”, while Adam’s guesses were almost too on point: “Recently engaged, wants to know if it will work out.” 

 

“How the fuck did you know that?” Ronan demanded after Adam’s second successful guess. 

 

Adam shrugged. “Good at reading people, I guess. Also, she set her ring on the table as soon as she sat down. Kind of a give away.” 

 

___

 

Just as they were leaving, Blue came home. 

 

They were on the front porch, just having said goodbye to everyone when she was starting down the path to the front steps.   
  
“Sarge,” Ronan said in greeting. 

 

“Sweet cheeks,” Blue replied, pulling a green lollipop from her mouth that she’d undoubtedly stolen from the hospital. She came up to Adam and leaned against him like a kid, her signature move. 

 

“You,” Ronan said, “have been spending way too much time with—” Blue shoved her lollipop into Ronan’s mouth to shut him up. He laughed and shook his head, amused. 

 

Adam looked between the two of them. He narrowed his eyes at Blue. “What,” he said. Blue looked at him innocently. Ronan just smiled around the lollipop in his mouth and shrugged. 

 

“I gotta go get my future predicted,” Blue said, ignoring Adam’s pointed look. 

 

“Sure,” he deadpanned. 

 

“See you two later,” Blue said. “Love you, Adam!” 

 

“Uh huh.”   
  
She gave him an innocent smile. He shook his head. 

 

“I’m keeping the sucker!” Ronan called as she walked into the house. She didn’t reply before shutting the door behind her. 

 

“Come on, Parrish,” Ronan said, walking towards his bike. 

  
“You know?!” Adam exclaimed. 

 

“Do you want the black helmet or the red helmet?” Ronan continued to be evasive. 

 

“Are you serious? You know who Blue’s seeing? And I don’t?” Adam caught up to Ronan and grabbed his arm. “Why would she tell you and not me? No offense.” 

 

Ronan turned toward him with a mock-hurt expression. “Offense taken. And for your information, I didn’t find out from her.” 

 

Adam looked at him. “Tell me.”

 

Ronan laughed. “Nope. No can do.” 

 

“Oh, come on. Give me a hint,” Adam said, accepting the red helmet. “Are they a girl? A guy? A non-binary person?” 

 

“A guy.” Ronan got on the bike, and Adam followed suit. “Wait, no. I’m not telling you.”

 

“Are you serious? Who told you?” No answer. “Was it him? Do you know him?” Nothing. “Do I know him?” 

 

Ronan turned around and removed the lollipop from his mouth, his tongue already green. Adam opened his mouth to say something but Ronan pushed the lollipop in before he could, mimicking Blue from earlier. Adam was in shock. He could taste the watermelon candy, wet from Ronan’s saliva. 

 

“Parrish,” Ronan said calmly. Suddenly Adam was aware of how close their faces were. “Even if you did know him—and I’m not saying you do—would you even remember him?” Ronan turned on the motorcycle, revving the engine. “After all,” he said, turning back to the front. “You didn’t remember me.”

 

___

 

Even though he was supposed to be hanging out with Ronan, or rather, getting him out of the house, Adam figured he might as well be productive as he did, so he asked if Ronan could stop in at the local drug store. Ronan had opted to wait outside while Adam went in to inquire after his prescription, saying he needed to call ‘Matthew’ who, judging from the quilt Adam had slept under, was a brother. 

 

The door to the pharmacy was equipped with multiple strands of silver bells, making his entrance mimic the opening of Jingle Bells. Four pairs of eyes looked his way, taking him in. This was the problem with small towns like Henrietta. Everyone knew everyone, and everyone was a gossip. If you weren’t familiar, people often didn’t know what to make of you.

 

The girl at the counter, who seemed to be trying for the Guinness world record of the most Bubble Yum one could fit in their mouth and viably still chew, looked him up and down and gave him a pink bubble gum filled smile and a slow, “What can I do for _you_?” 

 

Adam smiled back, awkwardly, but ever polite, and said, “Just headed to the pharmacy.” She looked disappointed. He walked a bit quicker. 

 

This was the scary part. Being in the hospital, it wasn’t as expected that he’d run into anyone he may or may not be avoiding. They’d have to be hurt, sick, or visiting someone, which lowered the odds significantly. In the local drug store, however, where the entire town got their prescriptions filled, it was much riskier for him. 

 

He had to be quick and keep his head down. There was a line of five when he got to the drop off/pick up area. He took a deep breath and waited, trying not to count the minutes. It took twelve and a half for him to get to the front of the line. 

 

The woman at the counter didn’t smile at him. “Can I help you?” She drawled in a monotone voice. 

 

“Yeah. I’m from out of town, but I use the same pharmacy there. I wanted to fill a prescription while I’m here?”

 

“Date of birth,” she asked.

 

“Seven, three, ninety-two.”

 

“First and last name.” 

 

“Adam Parrish?” 

 

“Which prescription.”

 

“The Klonopin?” Why did it sound like he was the one asking the questions? He waited as she typed something into the computer, her expression never changing. 

 

“There are no refills. We’ll have to contact your doctor.” 

 

Adam’s face heated up. His pulse picked up. His fingertips started to go numb. _No_. He couldn’t—he couldn’t handle this. God, he was so _stupid_. Why didn’t he fill it before he left. _He was so fucked._

 

“But Dr. Boyd doesn’t work Fridays. He won’t be in until Monday.” He tried and failed to keep his voice level. 

 

“Then you can come pick it up on Monday.” 

 

He sighed, trying to think. After a moment he said, “Can I get an emergency dose? Just a few pills to hold me over.” He paused. “It’s an emergency.” He could feel the numbness in his fingers creeping up his hand, moving to his wrist, and then his lower forearm. 

 

“No. Not with a controlled substance. You’ll have to come back Monday.” 

 

Adam felt the edges of his vision blur but he managed out a quiet, “Okay,” before turning away. He heard her call out, “Next!” 

 

What the fuck was he going to do. He’d been pretending. Pretending the whole time that he could handle everything— _Noah’s been in an accident. You should come home._ —he walked over to the empty aisle of refrigerated drinks. 

 

He opened one of the doors and put his face up to the cold Gatorade bottles. He felt like he was going to throw up, or faint, or both—one after the other. His vision went blurry and he could feel his heart pounding away in his chest, hear it in his ears.

 

It was hot. Too hot. He was going to fucking die in a Henrietta drug store pressed up against purple Gatorade. 

 

He closed his eyes and felt a hand on his shoulder. 

 

His first thought was horror. Some random person had found him having a panic attack in the drug store. His second thought was that it was probably Ronan wondering where he was.His third thought was that someone he knew, someone from his past just happened to be in the refrigerated aisle of the drug store at precisely the same time he was feeling up some sports drinks with his cheek. It was the third. 

 

“Adam?” He opened his eyes, mortified. He knew that voice. “Adam…are you…alright?” Adam reluctantly pulled his cheek away from the cold. 

 

Adam’s vision focused and wow, Tad Carruthers was actually standing in front of him. Hand on Adam’s shoulder, worried, sincere expression, it was like stepping into the past. Tad had grown considerably, and he looked good. Still…mortifying.

 

“Tad?” He asked, stupidly. 

 

“Adam, what’s going on?”

 

“Uh,” he said, intelligently. “Overheated.” He felt Tad squeeze his shoulder, grounding him a bit. 

 

“Let me get you one of these,” Tad said. “What’s your flavor?” 

 

Adam shook his head, trying to tell Tad that he didn’t understand. Ta’d other hand found Adam’s other shoulder. 

 

“Gatorade. What flavor?” His vision was blurring again. “Adam?” 

 

“Blue.” Tad let go of him and grabbed something. “Light Blue.” More grabbing. Then Tad was leading him away toward the front of the store. Adam felt woozy. 

 

Tad spoke with the bubble gum girl, one arm around Adam as if he were holding him up. Adam wasn’t embarrassed anymore. He just wanted to get out of there. 

 

Tad led him outside behind the store, into a spot of shade, and made Adam sit down, his back against the wall. 

 

“Drink this.” Adam did. It helped. Halfway through the bottle, his heart rate had slowed, his numbness had subsided, and his head was clear. Tad was sitting next to him. 

 

“Thank you,” Adam said. 

 

“Seriously, it’s okay. Must’ve been some sort of heat stroke. You should really sit for awhile. Do you need a ride somewhere?” 

 

Adam took another drink of Gatorade. “Actually, it was a panic attack.” 

 

Tad nodded. 

 

“Thank you, again.” 

 

“Of course. It’s good to see you. Been awhile. Didn’t think I’d see you back here.” 

 

Adam nodded. “Hence the panic attack.” 

 

“Is there anything I can do?” God, Tad was so nice; he always was. 

 

“You’ve done enough,” Adam lifted the Gatorade bottle he was holding. “I owe you.” 

 

A shadow appeared, looming over them. Adam looked up. 

 

“There you are,” Ronan said, exasperated. He glanced at Tad and frowned. “I looked for you. Thought you’d left or something.” 

 

“Sorry,” Adam said.   
  
“He wasn’t feeling well,” Tad explained. 

 

Ronan looked at him. “Nice pants, Carruthers.” Adam looked at Tad’s burnt orange chinos, then back up at Ronan.   
  
“Lynch,” Tad said. Again with the everyone knowing Ronan but Adam. He was starting to feel weird about it. 

 

“You okay?” Ronan asked, and it took Adam a moment to realize he meant him. 

 

“Oh, yeah. I’m better. Sorry I ran off.” He stood up and Tad followed, dusting off those chinos.

 

“It’s fine. You still want to go out?” Adam took a deep breath and sighed. So much for following Blue and Gansey’s plan. 

 

“Actually, can we take a rain check? I’d rather just go home. To your place, I mean.” Ronan nodded.

 

Adam turned to Tad, who seemed very interested in the exchange. “Thank you so much, seriously. You saved me.” Tad beamed at him and gave him a one-armed hug. 

 

“Anytime. You still have the same number?” Adam nodded. “Maybe we can see each other again before you leave.” He nodded again.   
  
“See you later,” he told Tad. 

 

“Bye Adam. Lynch.” 

 

“Carruthers.” 

 

They walked away from Tad, around the store to Ronan’s motorcycle in silence. When they got there, Adam grabbed his red helmet, but Ronan stopped him, with a hand on his arm. 

 

“What happened back there?” He asked, his voice full of concern now that they were alone. 

 

“Nothing, I’m fine. Just wasn’t able to get my prescription.”

 

“You gonna be okay without it?” 

 

Adam laughed hollowly. “We’ll see.”

 

“Do you want me to drop you off at Blue’s?” Ronan asked, ducking his head. _He cares,_ Adam thought, _and he doesn’t even know me._

 

“No. Do you have Netflix?”

 

Ronan rolled his eyes. Why did Adam find it so charming? “Obviously.” 

 

“Let’s go then.”

 

___

 

Five hours later, Blue picked Adam up at Ronan’s, while simultaneously dropping Gansey off. They were going to the hospital together so Henry could sleep. Adam was actually thankful to get Blue alone again. So much had happened since he last saw her and he needed to fill her in. He said hello to Gansey briefly and then watched as Ronan and Gansey embraced, hugging like they’d been apart for months rather than a few hours. 

 

Adam pushed Blue over to the passenger side of the orange Camaro and got into the drivers seat himself. He needed to roll down the window but the handle was missing. 

 

“What the fuck?” 

 

Blue looked over at him. “What?” 

 

“The window. How do you roll it down?”

 

Blue rolled her eyes. “Stupid car,” she muttered. She opened the door and yelled at Ronan and Gansey who were still on the front porch. “How the fuck do you roll down the window?” Ronan laughed and went inside while Gansey ran over. 

 

“Sorry,” he said to Adam when he reached the car. “Glove compartment.” Blue opened it and pulled out the handle. “You sort of just—“ he mimicked fiddling with the handle and Adam grabbed it, sticking it into the empty hole on the door, and turning it. It worked. “Yeah,” Gansey said. 

 

Adam laughed and looked up at Gansey’s apologetic face. _God_ , he was handsome. “I can fix this, you know.” 

 

Gansey smiled, wide and full, showing off his straight, white teeth. “It’s okay, it’s part of the charm.”

 

Adam smiled back and shook his head, knowing he would fix it as soon as he had a tool box with him. 

 

“Okay we gotta go,” Blue said, waving Gansey away. 

 

“See ya,” Gansey said. 

 

“See you,” Adam answered. Gansey walked away and Adam started the car, pulling around and away from the house. _How can two people who look as different from one another as possible both be exactly your type?_

 

___

 

“You’re kidding.” 

 

“Nope.” 

 

They were sitting in Noah’s hospital room. Blue was holding Noah’s hand and resting her head on Adam’s shoulder as he told her about his day. 

 

“Tad Carruthers? Jesus.”

 

“I know. So I’m standing there, dying, with my face in one of the refrigerators, and he’s like ‘Adam, Adam, are you okay?’ and I’m like ‘no, Tad, I’m dying’.” 

 

“You said that?” 

 

“No. But he’s like, ‘what’s wrong?’ and I tell him I’m overheating. So he decides to buy me a Gatorade.” 

 

“Ohh, poor Tad. So sweet. So not your type.” 

 

“I know. So he’s being all nice and buying me Gatorade.”

 

“Light blue.”

 

“Of course. And we go sit down outside, and I finally tell him, ‘no, I’ve been having a panic attack.’ He was so understanding and whatever. Then Ronan comes over all ‘where have you been?’ and—“ 

 

“Oh my God.”

 

“I know. I’m like, ‘dying’, and Tad is like, ‘Adam isn’t feeling well.’ So Ronan says, ‘Nice pants Carruthers.’” 

 

“He’s such a bitch.” 

 

“I know. His pants were burnt orange.” 

 

“Skinny jeans?”

 

“No, chinos.”

 

“Classic Tad.” 

 

“I know. He said he wants to see me before I leave town.” 

 

“Are you going to?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“So then what happened?” 

 

“Ronan and I went back to his place and watched five hours of New Girl.”

 

“The Barns.”

 

“What?”

 

“That’s what Ronan calls his place.”

 

“He’s so weird.”

 

“You like him.”  


“Maybe.”

 

___

 

When Adam awoke the following day, he was shocked and astonished to see it was already 1:15 in the afternoon. He hadn’t slept in that late in years. Staying up all night with Blue at Noah’s bedside had clearly worn him out. He felt kind of embarrassed knowing everyone else was already halfway finished with their day. 

 

Once he’d found it in himself to climb out of bed, he proceeded downstairs to find the house completely empty. A quick peek out the front door to see that Ronan’s black motorcycle and Gansey’s orange Camaro were both absent confirmed his suspicions. He was alone. 

 

In the kitchen, the sunlight was bright and forcing it’s way through the open curtains, trying to blind him. Adam moved to make himself some coffee when he noticed a note under a mug waiting for him. 

 

_ Hey sleepyhead, _

 

_ There’s plenty to eat in the refrigerator and pantry. Make yourself at home.  _

_ Call me if you need anything or just want to get out of the house.  _

_ Ronan or I should be home by 5.  _

_ -Gansey _

 

He smiled and shook his head, then got to work making himself some extra strong coffee. The early morning hours were a blur. He’d been so exhausted after the day he’d had that he couldn’t quite remember why he’d stayed in Ronan’s guest room again rather than going home with Blue. Part of him worried he’d overstayed his welcome while another part felt comfortable there, in the middle of nowhere, where no one unexpected could bother him. 

 

After making himself a simple breakfast of eggs and toast—complete with Ronan’s homemade blackberry jam—Adam grabbed his travel toolbox and the parts to his prototype and took them out to the garage-like barn he’d spotted the day before. He’d feel much better working there among the oil stains and tractor parts rather than the unblemished, pristine guest room. He set everything out in front of him on a linen drop cloth he’d found and got to work. 

 

This time, unlike the day prior, Adam’s thoughts and worries flew away as soon as he started. He moved with grace, putting parts together and pulling them apart. Not stressing when one idea failed—he was already on to the next. His hands and brain worked together like two cogs in the perfect machine. It didn’t matter how long it took, he trusted himself to know that eventually he’d find that one missing part, that one final idea, and then it would all click together in his head and the cogs would turn until they finally settled, complete. Adam had a thing about the way things worked. He liked to know, and he never felt more satisfied than when he could finally say, ‘alright, that’s it, I’ve figured it all out’.

 

He worked for over four hours, only stopping to send some emails and take pictures of his progress for documentation. He loved his job. He loved freelancing his designs to companies and being able to choose who to work with. He loved being his own boss. His life in California was all figured out: job, nice apartment, friends, distance…but he hadn’t realized how much he missed his best friends until he’d heard from Gansey. Maybe the distance the last few years had been too great. 

 

He was emailing an old professor about a finding he’d made when he heard something moving through the tall grass surrounding the barn. At first, he thought it was an animal. A cow had walked by earlier and, not knowing what the fuck to do with _that_ , or even whether cows were allowed over there, he’d done absolutely nothing but watch it walk away, mesmerized. This time, it wasn’t a cow. He turned his head when he heard someone come up behind him. It was Ronan, covered in mud, boots to cheek.

 

“Hey sleepyhead,” Ronan said. 

 

Adam rolled his eyes. “Gansey already used that line. I’ve been working since two.”

 

“Of course he did. I know, I’m just messing with you. How’s your day going?” Ronan tried to wipe some dirt off his cheek, but he was only making it worse. Adam bit back a smile. 

  
“Fine, just finishing up here. How’s Noah.” 

 

Ronan paused for a beat. “He hasn’t woke up yet, but his injuries are healing. The doctors think that’s a good sign. No more internal bleeding.”

 

Adam nodded, not knowing what to say. 

 

“You know, we’d call you right away if something had happened,” Ronan said softly. 

 

Adam nodded again. Then said, “You don’t even have my phone number.”

 

Ronan smiled wide, sincere. “I do, actually. Stole it from Dick’s phone.”

 

“Stole it?” Adam asked, blushing. 

 

“Yep. So…when you’re done here, I’m ready to cash in.” 

 

Adam blinked. “Excuse me?”

 

“You know. We were supposed to go out last night, you said you’d have to take a rain check.” 

 

“Right.”

 

“So tonight is the night.”

 

“Is it.” 

 

Ronan scratched his head, then turned his head a fraction to the side. “Unless you have other plans.”

 

“Nope, I’m all yours,” Adam said without thinking. 

 

Ronan smirked. “Alright then.”

 

___

 

They went to a new brewery that had opened up just outside Henrietta, off the main highway. Ronan had been there once before and had sworn by their amazing burgers. They pulled up on the motorcycle, and as soon as he stepped off, Adam already missed the breeze he’d felt when they were moving. The sun had been down for over half an hour but it still felt like midday to him. It was too hot. Sticky hot. 

 

“It’s the heat wave,” Ronan said, when Adam complained to him about it. “You aren’t used to the heat in California?” 

 

Adam frowned and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. “Obviously. This is different. In California when it’s hot, you aren’t soaking wet.” 

 

Ronan just stared at him, smirking. 

 

“Shut up!” Adam said. 

 

“I didn’t even say anything,” Ronan retorted.  


Adam glared at him. Ronan grabbed Adam’s arm and pulled him toward the entrance. “Let’s get you a cold beer,” he said, pretending to be annoyed. “We can pour it on your head.”

 

Adam tried to keep glaring but his face betrayed him. “Maybe I’ll pour it on yours instead.” 

 

“See,” Ronan said. “That just sounds refreshing.”

 

___

 

Their waitress was into Adam. 

 

Ronan wouldn’t shut up about it, making snide comments and wiggling his eyebrows like a sixth-grader. Adam kept trying to shut him up but he was starting to realize that Ronan’s kink was embarrassing people. Adam was his new target.

 

“This happens to you a lot,” Ronan stated when she’d come by to ask for the second time if he liked his beer. “Doesn’t it.” 

 

“No. Not really.” 

  
“Admit it, Parrish. You have people fawning over you on the regular.” Ronan seemed to think this was hilariously funny. 

 

“No, people just like that I’m polite. Unlike you.” 

 

Ronan chuckled. “I could be as polite and charming as you are and she’d still never look at me twice.”

 

“That’s not true. You’re…attractive,” Adam said, and he watched as Ronan raised his eyebrows, fingers tracing patterns in the condensation of his glass. 

 

“Well shucks Adam,” Ronan said before taking a sip of his beer. 

 

“Maybe you’re just not her type.” He watched Ronan’s throat as he swallowed. 

 

“Yep. Too gay,” Ronan said. 

 

Adam took a few gulps of his beer before responding. “How do you know I’m not gay too? You really shouldn’t assume someone’s sexuality.” 

 

Ronan rolled his eyes. “I’m not.” 

  
“Really.”

 

“Mhmm.” He leaned in over his beer and Adam did the same, giddy for some reason. When Ronan’s face was close to Adam’s he whispered, “Gansey outed you. I know you’re bi.”

 

Adam laughed and pulled away. “Oh shit, secret’s out.”

 

“Yep.” 

 

___

  
They talked the whole time they waited for their food. Mostly anecdotes about Noah, Henry, Gansey, and Blue, their main common ground, but Ronan told him some amusing tales about growing up at the Barns, and Adam told him his funniest stories from college. It was more fun than any date he’d been on in the last six months. 

 

“Anyway, that was the first time I really got drunk,” he told Ronan. 

 

Ronan gave him a weird look. “Uh, no, it definitely wasn’t,” he said, voice slow. 

 

“What? Yes it was.” Adam was on his second beer, starting to feel the nice buzz. 

 

“I assure you, it was not.” Ronan narrowed his eyes over his beer at Adam.

 

“What are you talking about? I think I have the authority here.”

 

“Hmm?”  


“About my own past. I have the authority.”

 

“You really think the first time you got drunk was in college?”’

 

“I’m sure of it.”

 

Ronan stared at him for a minute, then said, “Okay, if you insist,” like he _knew_ something Adam didn’t. About his own life. 

 

“You are so weird sometimes,” Adam told him. 

 

Ronan snorted. “Thanks.”

 

“Any time.”

 

When their food did come, Adam found that Ronan hadn’t been exaggerating—the burgers were heavenly. He practically inhaled his, way too hungry, always. Every time Ronan smiled at him, Adam felt something. What, he couldn’t be sure. But there was _something_. 

 

“So,” Ronan said when they were done eating and Adam had finished his beer. “Now what?” Adam blinked. He’d been staring at Ronan’s beard, and his lips, wondering what it’d feel like if he just reached out and touched. 

 

“I don’t know. Do you want to go back? Or to the hospital?” He didn’t really want this to end, because he finally was feeling really good today, but he was still aware of the realities surrounding the situation. 

 

“No, not yet. Do you want to, uh,” Ronan paused as if contemplating something. “Should we go to another bar?”

 

Adam bit his lip. He couldn’t. “No, not another bar. I’d rather stay here, if you don’t mind.” It was safe here, venturing further into town was asking for trouble. 

 

Ronan nodded. “That’s fine. I’ll order us another round. Gansey can come pick us up later.”

 

Adam beamed at him. 

 

“There’s a couple pool tables in the back room. Wanna play?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

They got up from their booth and Adam followed him across the room. While he walked, he watched Ronan, his buzz was rolling around in his head and making it impossible not to smile. Ronan was _hot_. Really, really fucking hot. He was surprised that girl _hadn’t_ been all over him. Adam was having a hard time keeping his own hands to himself. 

 

The back room was noisy. A pool game already in session, and some baseball game on multiple televisions hanging from the ceiling. Ronan moved to grab a couple of pool cue’s, but something stopped Adam. He caught something in the corner of his eye. When he looked to his left, he went completely still. All the sounds left the room, the music turned off, the televisions still flashed light at him, but were silent. People laughed and moved around him, but they didn’t make a single noise. The back of a head, a profile, a laugh.

 

Adam felt his heart actually stop beating. _The back of a head, a profile, a laugh._ He closed his eyes, and heard his heart start working again, pumping blood faster and louder than ever. He felt weightless and heavy at the same time. _A yell, a push, a kick._ He felt someone brush by him. He winced with his whole entire being. He opened his eyes. His head felt wrong—too full, too big. He thought he might fall. _A fall, a punch, a splatter of blood._ He felt himself walking but he didn’t know how, pushing through a door in the back. He saw someone open their mouth, say something to him, but he couldn’t hear. Why couldn’t he hear? _The back of a head, a profile, a laugh._

 

He was outside. Across the street. Throwing up by an unlit lamp post. _A belt, a hit to the gut, a hand around his throat._ Someone was there. Adam could hear again. They were saying something. A hand touched his back. 

  
He pulled away violently. “Don’t touch me.” He wiped his mouth, he couldn’t breathe right. The air around him was too heavy, it was choking him. He took short, gulping breaths in and out, feeling his head get dizzier with each second. 

 

“Adam?”

 

He closed his eyes, and took a couple steps. He bent over. His hands were numb. Pins. Needles. _The back of a head, a profile, a laugh._

 

“Adam.” 

 

No. He couldn’t—he didn’t—he couldn’t _breathe_. He sat down on the ground, dizzy head in numb hands. He was choking now, on the air, trying as hard to get it in as he did to get it out. 

 

“Adam, you’re hyperventilating.” Someone sat down in front of him. “Adam, it’s Ronan. I’m going to touch you. Say no if you don’t want me to.” Adam looked up. His vision was so blurry he couldn’t really see, but Ronan’s hand touched his own and he didn’t say no. 

 

Ronan’s voice was low. “I’m going to put your hand on my chest, okay?” Adam didn’t say anything. “You gotta nod, let me know you understand.” Adam nodded. “Good. Now I’m going to put my hand on your chest.” Adam nodded. “Now feel my chest. Try to breathe slowly with me.” Adam nodded. He felt tears on his cheek. He tried to focus on Ronan—his chest, warm, his breathing, slow in, slower out. They stayed like that for awhile, Adam didn’t know how long, until he stopped choking and was able to breathe somewhat regularly again. 

 

It felt like hours passed. Adam’s tears had dried on his face and the palms of his hands both regained feeling. They were in the dark, and strangely that made him feel safe, unseen. Unseen by anyone but Ronan, at least. Ronan wasn’t saying anything. Their hands were still on each other’s chests, breathing in sync, and he thanked everything good in existence that Ronan hadn’t asked him any questions yet. He still wasn’t sure he could speak, but he gave it a try. 

  
“How did you learn to do that?” His voice sounded strange and quiet, but decipherable. 

 

“I used to have panic attacks all the time.” Ronan stopped, and Adam waited for him to continue. “My dad died when I was younger. It was a hard time.” He stopped again. “My brother, Declan, would sit on the floor with me and make me watch and feel him breathing. It’s funny, I always thought he was being a dick and babying me. But it helped. He’d say all this fucking random nonsense too, trying to distract me.” 

 

Adam looked up at Ronan, he wasn’t looking at Adam, but he was smiling. “He sounds like a good brother.”

 

“He is. Took me a few years to figure it out.”

 

They were silent for a few more minutes. “Thank you.” 

 

Ronan looked back at him. He moved, and their hands fell from each other, so he could sit next to Adam instead of in front of him. He grabbed Adam’s hand and squeezed it. Adam felt that _something_ again, and this time he thought he should voice it.

 

“Hey,” he said. He leaned in a little and Ronan’s face was only a couple inches from his. 

 

“Yeah?” Ronan was so close his breath tickled Adam’s lips.

 

“You know what’s funny?” 

 

“What?” Ronan asked, smiling. 

 

Adam laughed softly, smiling back. “When I first got here, I don’t know. It’s really dumb. I thought you and Gansey were, like, together.” He said it as a joke, trying to lead into something, but Ronan immediately tensed up. He pulled back and slowly let go of Adam’s hand. 

 

“Adam…” he started. His voice was almost pained. Adam felt a small push of adrenaline hit him again. Oh God. 

 

He pulled back from Ronan, eyes wide. Just then, both of their phones started going off simultaneously. Ronan’s buzzing and Adam’s ringing. He felt so relieved grabbing his phone out of his pocket. It was Blue. He took a second before pushing the button, hearing Ronan’s “Gansey, what’s going on?” before standing up and answering. 

 

“Adam!” Blue sounded frantic and out of breath. 

 

“What is it? Are you okay?” 

 

“It’s Noah. Adam, he’s awake.”


End file.
